The Virtual Woman: A Woman's
Weekly Guide To Cyberspace
Sticky family issues are no longer the exclusive domain of Dear Abby or Ann
Landers. Adoption, divorce, and the instincts of a future mother-in-law give
the Virtual Woman her challenges for this week! Tricky, sticky questions are
my favorites -- keep 'em coming. Mailing information can be found at the end
of this column.
Dear Virtual Woman:
I just turned 18,
and on my birthday my folks confirmed what I have suspected for a long
time -- that I was adopted. I don't want a new family, and don't want to
hurt my parents' feelings, but I think I want to find out who gave birth to
me. This is pretty overwhelming and I don't know where to start. Can the
Internet help me? Just sign me...
- Happy (?) Birthday, Minnesota
Dear Happy:
Although it is The Virtual Woman's fervent belief that the Internet can be helpful in almost any situation, circumstances like yours are the ones for which Internet seems to be perfect.
For starters, from how you signed your letter, I can see that you have some complicated emotions about your birthday news. Your first visit should therefore be the Usenet newsgroup alt.adoption.searching, where you will find the excellent and comprehensive guide, Shea's Search Series. Written by Shea Grimm, these postings examine a range of issues related to searching for one's birth parents. From the first step of helping you decide whether a search is indeed right for you (and it may not be!), to practical advice on how to launch your search, to explaining documents and organizational obstacles (and ways around them), Shea's series gives you what you need to begin. Never followed or joined a newsgroup before, you say? Just go to http://www.dejanews.com. and follow their easy instructions.
Your next stop should be the Angry Grandma's Adoptees' Resource at http://angrygrandma.web-page.net/ Guided by the motto "You existed before you were adopted," let Grandma introduce you the International Soundex Reunion Registry, the world's largest and most successful mutual consent reunion registry, and let her stories inspire and motivate you.
Next stop is The Adoption Ring at http://www.plumsite.com/adoptionring. This is both the oldest and the largest collection of adoption-related web sites. Voted a "Starting Point Hot Site", The Adoption Ring will lead you to over 325 select adoption-oriented web pages. Administered by an adoptee, an adoptive parent, and a birth parent, The Adoption Ring brings a variety of perspectives and tools to those who visit. Whether you proceed through the ring in an organized and sequential way, or choose to just visit random web pages, you'll find that you are in the good and useful company of people and organizations eager to share specific information that can help you.
One last thought: There is always the chance that your birth parents are looking for you, too. With that possibility in mind, stop at http://www.who-me.com There may be a message waiting for you there! Good luck - please let me know how it goes.
Dear Virtual Woman:
The father of my two children
and I are getting divorced. It's getting ugly and I'm getting worried. What
if he bails out on us and the child support he promised? Can I use the
Internet to stay on top of him?
- Connie S.
Dear Connie:
The Virtual Woman is an optimist, and hopes you won’t need to resort to cyberstalking. So at this point, a better use of the Internet would probably be to confirm what your rights -- and what his obligations-- are.
For this information, check out the Divorce Source (http://www.divorcesource.com/). Since your email address doesn't tell me where you live, look here for state-specific breakdowns on family and child support law, and from there, determine what your collection options are.
The Divorce Source also offers a forum for connecting with other people who have been -- or who are going-- through what you are facing. Support may help minimize the ugliness you see coming, while making it easier for you both to go on with your lives -- with as little trauma as possible for your children.
The Federal Office of Child Support Enforcement is certainly worth a visit (http://www.acf.dhhs.gov/programs/cse/). Here, you can get basic facts related to child support, and can access reports, publications, newsletters, and other resources related to child support enforcement.
If you need more help to get the child support you have been awarded, thereis the National Legal Media Child Support Collection web site (http://www.payup.com) -- just one of many collection services available on the web to help your children get what they deserve.
Dear Virtual Woman:
What can I do to find out if my daughter's fiance is as rock-solid a citizen as he seems? He came out of nowhere, she's fallen fast and hard, and now I am shopping for a mother-of-the bride dress. I don't want to be skeptical, but I can't ignore this little voice in the back of my head that says this guy is too good to be true. I am left with....
- Nagging Doubts
Dear Doubts:
I'd recommend a discrete (and prompt) visit to Lou's Clues (http://www.lousclues.com). Lou's Clues is dedicated to bringing women the fast and accurate information they need to make informed decisions about the people and businesses in their lives. They offer a range of services (some free, some paid) including free consultations, asset location, employment screening and one of the largest collections of free online real-time investigative searches on the internet.
Happy Surfing!
Find these links and more at WWWomen.Com (http://www.wwwomen.com) the web's largest search directory of topics for women online. Email the Virtual Woman with your Internet questions or send snailmail to: WWWomen.Com, Attn: Virtual Woman, 3701 Geary Blvd., #325, S.F., CA 94118. Copyright, 1998. WWWomen, Inc. All rights reserved.
This column can only be re-distributed with written
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Contributing Editor: Nina Zhito
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